The People You See at the Town Fair

The weather is getting warmer, pants are being traded in for butt-showing shorts (seriously, what is this new style?), and the sun is tanning your bare backs…unless you live in Pennsylvania, the new Seattle.

And with this change of the season, it is inevitable that the carnival roll on into whatever town you live. Every town has to have an annual carnival right? Or at least somewhere within driving distance…?

Now, this town fair was fun growing up. There were the scary rides that could literally fall apart in any second, the sticky cotton candy your parents hated buying you, and the giant, really-awkwardly-hard, overstuffed animals your daddy or middle school boyfriend would win you after spending $10-100 trying to knock down a glued bottle of pop.

But, as you got older you realized how trashy, or, err, interesting this town fair really was. You noticed the wide variety of people it brought to its grounds, including, but not limited to:

1. The young family. This is normal. This is who probably should be at these sort of fairs. Kids love this stuff…(until that pet goldfish they won dies the next day). However, because of the following people, this is why the young family seems to stick out.

2. The middle school couples. CLEARLY their parents do not know either a) where they are or b) that they are with the opposite sex. In fact, you can sense by their constant holding each other and making out on the bench, ferris wheel, spinny ride, while trying to win a hard-overstuffed plush, waiting in line, and basically anywhere on the fairgrounds, that their parents are ignorant of this couple’s ‘relationship’. This is the only place that they are freely able to touch each other somewhat inappropriately, and they take full advantage of such. (You can also catch them at the mall on Friday nights.)

3. The group of young skater boys. I don’t know if they are trying to live out a Tony Hawk game or what, but there is ALWAYS a group of young skater boys in tight jeans, band t-shirts, and long hair that hover around the dark corners of the fairgrounds grinding on whatever piece of carnival equipment their board can handle.

4. Carnies. Well, duh there’s going to be carnies there. And to be honest- being a carnie sounds really freaking appealing to me right now. Traveling the world, meeting and harassing new people every week, being carefree or whatever. But I’d like to keep my teeth…and dignity.

5. The guy who thinks he’s tough. You know who- this guy dons a beater and storms around with an angry mug…usually alone. As you try your best to get out of his way, you can’t help but wonder why he found himself at the fair tonight.

6. People you graduated high school with. There’s two groups for this. The first group came to the fair for the same reason you did- to know where you never want to end up in life. The second group think the fair is the best place in the world. It’s best to avoid both of these groups. After all, it’s people you graduated high school with and didn’t keep in touch with for a reason.

7. The teen mom. I’m not talking about the teen mother who is taking her child to the fair for the child’s sake, such as the Young Couple. I’m talking about the teen mom who rolls up for the reason of being seen in skin tight, barely fitting clothing to show the world how ‘goooood she looookk’ post-baby. This teen mom will probably also try to start drama with the baby daddy (possibly one in the same as The Guy Who Thinks He’s Tough) while at the fair.

8. Overly dressed-up girls. You want to wear a cute sundress to the fair? That’s fine. But when you show up in a red miniskirt, a see-through top with your tatas out, a pound of make up, straightened hair, and 5 inch heels, I can’t help but to shake my head. Girlfriend, you’re going to a fair, not to the club. Throw on some basketball shorts and a t shirt, and get ready to be thrown upside down on the Freak-Out ride.

and last but not least…

9. The intoxicated. You know you’re cool when you get drunk to go to the fair………

And every year you say you won’t go back, yet every year you end up back on those old familiar, dirty fairgrounds.

People Watching in Atlantic City

This past weekend I trekked on down to the wonderful party city of Atlantic to see  Kaskade at the new HQ Beachclub at Revel (I’d highly recommend this Vegas-style club).

While I don’t gamble (ain’t no body got monies fo’ dat), I had a fabulous time exploring the beach, casinos, bars, and nightlife along the boardwalk, and of course meeting new people… aka people-watching the AC visitors.

Here is a list of the types of people I hope you are fortunate enough to meet, run into, have a conversation with, or simply watch while in Atlantic City.

1. The stoned older couple on the beach. I’m not speaking like, OLD-old, but  they were old enough. This couple will be super friendly, ask where you are from, tell you about themselves, and throw in a few recent stories of partying.

They might compliment your home city, “You girls from Philly? I can tell by your personalities. Women tend to be more alpha in Philly. We love Philly.”  Thanks sir!

Or even give you some pointers on where to spend your evening.

And then the stories about cannabis will erupt without warning. “Yeah man, this guy came up and was like yo… is that weed? And I was like shut up man, take a hit, but shut up.”

Oh.

And then the police will drive by along the beach on their little 4-wheeler thing and for a split second you will pretend to not be associated with them in any way. “Ah man, that was close. I have an open beer and a joint in my hand”…he says….

Oh.

Needless to say, these people will be entertaining to talk to and you will probably thoroughly enjoy learning about their lives.

He will probably travel a lot, specifically to Miami, but his girlfriend-wife-lady-friend has to stay home because she works a ‘real job’…

uh, what do you do sir?

Don’t ask questions. 

So, if you ever have the chance to spark up a conversation with a baked couple in their, say, early 40s on the beach- DO IT. It will at least keep you entertained and keep your mind off of the chilling sea-breeze for a few minutes. You might even get invited to meet them by the slot machines later. Too bad you don’t gamble.

2. Older foreigners. These foreigners will be wearing full garb, including long jeans, argyle sweaters, suit jackets, boots, hats, etc…in June….

They will have various different cameras and each stand independently in front of the ocean, one-by-one, in order to have a photograph taken of them.

Although there will be about 7 or 8 of them, they will not take any group photos. They will all stare at the model and smile from behind as one of them takes the photograph, and then they will switch positions.

Although you will probably not interact with this group at all, this is a prime opportunity to people-watch from the comfort of your own tanning location as you take selfies with your group. (…We all have our different photographing preferences)

3. Grampa. Grampa looks innocent enough. But then you realize it’s 11 p.m. at a beach bar on the boardwalk and he is sitting alone, smiling, sipping some drink with a paper umbrella in it. The DJ is playing some crappy LMFAO song and Grampa starts bobbing his head along. Whatever, he’s Grampa, what’s he gonna do?

You and your friends head to the dance floor whenever the terrible LMFAO song is done being played and you begin to go crazy, dancing, singing along, jumping about. You look over and Grampa has moved. He is now at the closest table to the dance floor, still smiling, nodding his head along with the music, and sipping his drink. But this time his innocence has turned into a sly smirk. He is glaring into your soul, or perhaps at your chest, you’re not really sure.

You ignore it and continue dancing, but every time you glance over, there he is…staring…watching your every move…

You are not sure whether you should think “Aww cute little Grampa over there, just trying to have a good time”, or “WHAT THE HECK, MAN? YOU’RE CREEPING ME OUT. GO PLAY BINGO!”

Eventually you realize you should feel creeped out and leave Grampa to creep on the other twenty-somethings in the crowd.

Oh wait, there weren’t any…

This should have been your sign in the first place.

4. The Bachelor Party. It’s Atlantic City- You are BOUND to come across at least ONE bachelor party during your stay. If you’re a girl- hang out with them. There has to be at least a few single guys in the group who are wiling to buy you some cheap beers. And, well, even the taken guys will probably be buying you drinks. I mean- their women aren’t with them.

**This is really the only advantage of hanging out with a bachelor party. I mean, they have their plans already. You just happen to be there as they are crossing one of the many bars they plan to attend off of their list. And well, right time and right place = free rounds on them!

5. Little guy. Okay, this is not to bash short guys. If you are a short guy and like taller girls- kudos! No discrimination. I like it. But Little Guy will indeed be at least a head shorter than you, and super unsettling to be around. You will come across Little Guy at one of the more popular clubs or bars, usually on the dance floor. He is the fist-pumping type…

Little guy will reach up with all of his might and tap you on the shoulder.

He’s kind of cute so you think “Alright, cool. New friend!”

And then he approaches your ear extremely closely, you can literally feel his lips on your lobes, and comes out with this line: “Hey sexy. I like your outfit.”

Like, no you don’t.

What he likes is that you are in your bathing suit in general. I mean, it is a beachclub. You smile, politely thank him, and turn back towards the DJ. And then you feel another tap from Little guy.

Ugh now what?

“Do you want a drink?”

Without even thinking you decline. And then you immediately wonder if you made a mistake. Should you have taken that free $15 drink? But then he gives you a glare and storms off, which makes you stand firm in your decision.

Clearly he was just trying to buy his way to rub onto your booty. (*See Dear Guys: What Not To Do At A Club

Also, the bar was like, way far away from the dance floor..who knows what he could have slipped into that drink by the time he got it to you?

Maybe if he hadn’t used that creepy pick-up-line-maneuver and practically bit your ear off he would have had a better shot to spend his money on you.

6. Actual new friends. Every time you go to Atlantic City, you should make an effort to leave with new friends. This will make up for all of the odd encounters you have had the rest of the weekend.

You will run into them serendipitously and instantly have a connection. It can be a group or a few individuals, but you will spend time chatting, laughing, dancing- whatever you please. They will ward off the creepers such as Grampa and Little Guy, and you will feel safe and carefree surrounded by your new friends.

When you are forced to separate, you will have a deep feeling of sadness wash over you. You can’t be done with your new friends already! So you will exchange numbers and hope to meet up again one day.