Dear Guys: What not to do at a club

I frequent the club scene. After all, I am a 22 year old single college lady who just wants to dance. A few weeks back I was politely “no thank you”-ing the surrounding gentlemen in order to dance by myself when I was approached by a guy who said, “I think it’s awesome that you come here, don’t want or need a guy, and have so much fun dancing by yourself!” 

Thank you, kind sir for your words of encouragement. His simple words got me thinking, what do guys think girls come here for? What is it about me dancing alone that was worthy of a compliment from a complete stranger? Why is this so unique to see?

When I talk with my girlfriends it becomes pretty plain what we do not want at clubs. And so, out of the kindness of my heart, I figured I would compile a list of what *most* girls do not want to see/do/touch/hear while enjoying herself on that dancefloor so that you, handsy-gentleman, do not get the awkward “no-thank you” followed by giggles from that clique you’ve been eyeing up.

1. Your stranger-male-genitalia rubbing all up on my booty.

Contrary to popular belief, casually showing up behind me introducing yourself with your penis is not the way to my heart. I have to give credit to those guys who actually ask to dance, but if your form of “dancing” is casually showing up behind me introducing yourself with your penis, I will “no thank you” you and continue jumping around waving my arms in the air like I just don’t care.

If you would like to join me in that, feel free-the more the merrier. I just want no part in booty rubbing on your stranger gentleman’s sausage.

2. You to talk over the music.

I am flattered that you want to know so much about me, right here and right now… at this very second, but we are in a night c.l.u.b. Like, what makes you think screaming over the music asking personal questions is a fun time? What makes you think I even want to think about, let alone talk about the real world right now? In fact, I really quite enjoy singing along and dancing to the music. After all, we are in a club. So save the talking for another time… I’ll give you my number and then you can call me, maybe.

3. “Ayo Mamiii, high 5 for wearing those leggins'”

And yes, this is an actual example… One of which I have very few words for…

a) …High 5? Really? That’s how you get a woman?

b) No….Learn how to properly hit on a girl.

c) I am wearing leggings because they are comfortable to dance in. Am I aware that they make any hiney look like a 10? Yes, yes I am. But I am wearing them for my own comfort/laziness, not to be high fived from your approval.

d) MY EYES ARE UP ….AND AROUND AND OVER…HERE!

4. Random hands groping and grasping as I make my way to the bathroom…or bar…or just through the club…

So this type of guy takes the opposite approach of “ayo mamii dat butt” and just goes for it. He just reaches his hand out into the crowd, wiggles it around a bit, and grabs any thing that he thinks is a private female part.

Why do you think that is appropriate? Where in the world would this be appropriate? (Okay, maybe a strip club, I’m not sure- I haven’t had much experience in that scene) but come on…

If this has ever worked for ANYONE out there, PLEASE, I am begging you, let me know. I need to hear your testimony. Because I am almost 100% certain that this type of guy at a club has never had any sort of encounter with the female sex, has no mother/grandmother/sister/aunt and apparently missed out on the whole concept of respect.

5. “I’ll buy you a drink if you dance with me.”

Do I look like I can be bribed? Alright, to be fair I will take the free drink. But as soon as I am done sipping whatever cheap-fruity thing that you assume I like, I am booking. Does that seem rude? Yes, yes it does. But you know what else seems odd- thinking that you can buy time to rub your peepee on my booty simply by purchasing a two dollar cranberry vodka.

 

 

So there ya have it. Of course I am speaking solely from my own cynical-female-views, and there are ladies out there would love nothing more than to shake their glutes against all angles of your thighs for a free drink, loving the cheap compliments you are screaming to them over the music, but I’d like to think that I can speak for at least part of the female population in saying: No thank you. 

 

*Disclaimer, I know not all guys are this forward/gross/disrespectful at clubs. These are just the few stereotypes that need to be addressed. 

 

Advertisements

One thought on “Dear Guys: What not to do at a club

  1. People Watching in Atlantic City: Who You Should Expect To Come Across – Tales Of A Twenty-Something

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s