A New Year, A Not-So-New Me

And so we arrive in the year 2013, the year of change as you all make your resolutions to lose weight, be a better person, fall in love, yadda yadda yadda.

My resolution? Keep my sanity as I graduate college and enter the world of “adulthood”. Or should I change that to : Accept the fact that I will be entering the world of “adulthood”? 

I have been attending school for as long as I can remember, from pre-pre school all the way to college. And in May, after 18 years of only knowing how to survive as a student, I will be thrust into the demanding universe of job-finding and paying off all of those student loans.

As I was shopping with mom yesterday, I came to the harsh realization that I am no where near ready to be an adult; not for the stereotypical working-my-life-away-in-order-to-pay-the-bills-lifestyle that I think of when I think of growing older.

We walk into Charlotte Russe where my mom points out a pair of nice dress pants that were on sale. I nod in agreement that they were in fact nice…. and on sale… and without a second glance I run to some brightly colored items hanging on a clearance rack. Needless to say, I walk out of the store with newly purchased leggings and a hot pink bandeau.

Not quite the professional attire that I could wear to the workplace…

Thinking back to all of the things I have bought in the last year, no professional attire, shoes, or accessories were on the list. In fact, I own more tutus than I do dress pants. None of my skirts are length-appropriate, and my shoes are entirely way too high to ever walk into an office.

Is this my way of avoiding the real world? I look more forward to upcoming parties, raves, and festivals than I do graduation day. Graduation is barely even on my radar.

Am I neglecting to purchase or even care about professional attire as some sort of subconscious protest to growing up? I feel as though I am slowly regressing to childhood as opposed to diving in to the excitement that my early twenties can bring.

Or am I simply having an early-twenties-crisis– the common ancestor to the mid-life crisis, but instead is when one is on the brink of their future and they face all of the true potential and opportunities they have, and are so completely overwhelmed and frightened by their own unending possibilities that they refuse to accept or realize them?

It might be a new year, a year of change for all of us, but as of now- I’ll just keep being the same me… dancing around in tutus and colorful bracelets and waiting for the day that I realize where I want to go and who I want to be.

I don’t expect to figure it all out, nor do I expect to have to give up the fun and wonder of my twenties, but I’m excited to go along for the journey as I make mistakes, fail, succeed and learn.

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